Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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