if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her vagine was all disorganized.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
