i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize