It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
