Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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