I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
