Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize