remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
babies were throwing up all over the place
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
