just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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