His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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