Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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