apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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