her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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