We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
