I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
