I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
