she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
