Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
