I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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