And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
