I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
