My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
