Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you had me at cake vodka
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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