Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block

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(631): View more from New York

judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.

(360): View more from Washington

I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha

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(260): View more from Indiana

You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.

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