I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize