Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
