we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
