apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
