I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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