the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
