I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
