New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
