Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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