You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
