i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
