very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
