I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize