some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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