We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
