So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
