Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize