I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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