I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
