well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
