i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
