apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
