Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
