Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
