all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
