What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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