woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
