Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
