the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
