She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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