We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
