I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
vagina is talking i cant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize