I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
