If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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