Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
