Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
