Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
