How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
