sarcasm needs its own font
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
