So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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