i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk is not a location!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
