i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
