I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
