We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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