no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
