eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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