i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize