I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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