she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
