There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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