A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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