i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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