Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
