i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
