All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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