here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So here I am, sexting at work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
