Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i now understand why vodka
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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