Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
