my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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