i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
did i just pee glitter
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
