Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize