Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
