she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This house was built for laser tag.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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