if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
