): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
