Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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