don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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