Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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