$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
