Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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