oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
