glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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